It’s Not You, It’s Me- Getting “Closure” 

Written by Caitlin Schille 

Closure. It’s an interesting concept, and it’s a word that’s often thrown around in the realm of dating. To really heal from a broken relationship and move on, people purport the need for closure. So what is closure? Closure is a sense of something being resolved; it’s a sense of having found a conclusion. From this definition, it would seem that closure is an elusive, abstract state of mind that sounds difficult to obtain.  

Turns out, closure is difficult to obtain, particularly in light of its application to dating and relationships. At the conclusion of a relationship, or perhaps a relationship that never really began, people want the pain of rejection and hurt to go away, and dark questions begin to surface about why and who is to blame. People believe that to truly “move on” to other things or other relationships, they must have certain questions answered, and need to somehow close the door on the past. 

Why do we crave closure? Some evidence indicates that relationships with significant others who helped us feel like “better people” can leave us feeling lost in an identity crisis when the relationship ends. By this measure, closure would mean being able to find a sense of self again.  

Closure Has Three Parts: 

  1. Acceptance 
  2. Recognizing your individuality 
  3. Believing in your future 

So how can we best gain closure after a relationship ends? The best strategy is to give it time and to be patient with yourself. A serious relationship that lasted for months or years isn’t something that can be grieved in a day. Use this time to develop yourself. Find hobbies that make you feel happy and fulfilled to drown out any bitterness or sadness. Focus on the healthy and fulfilling relationships and friendships in your life. Lastly, realize that closure cannot be dependent on others. Don’t think that hearing why someone chose what they did will make you feel better. 

And remember- closure isn’t something that happens in a snap.

Other Ways to Get Closure: 

  • Change your scenery, whether that means moving or just taking a trip with friends. 
  • Make new memories with activities you’ve never tried before. 
  • Find a new hobby an get passionate about it. 

Sources: nymag.com, Monmouth University 

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